Out of Whack

It really is amazing how something as simple as waking up earlier than normal throws you off your day. I know I sound like a whiner, but today I had to make sure my wife was awake by 5:15 am, so she could be on the road by 5:45 am. I know she doesn’t like to wake me up with her, but I feel it is only right. Especially since she’s the one going out to support our family. Which is allowing me this time to find myself and hopefully in the process a new calling.

See that is where I am going to disagree with my Therapist, who told me to stop saying “I’m trying to find what the heck I am going to do with the rest of my life.” He says that is a lot of pressure to put on myself. That part I agree with. However I don’t think he understands what I mean when I am saying that. Or maybe he does and I’m just being stubborn.

Anyway I think back to that quote by John Lennon, when he was asked in school what he wanted to be when he grew up and he said “happy”. The teacher replied to him, “no I don’t think you understand the assignment.” And he said, “No you don’t understand life.”  That’s all I want out of a career or what I am doing with the rest of my life, to be happy. I want to love what I do. I don’t want it to be a chore to wake up and go to work. 

If that means I am temporarily retired, while I figure shit out? So be it. The only two people’s opinions that matter are my super hero wife Allie and mine. She is allowing me the freedom to find my passion. I lost it somewhere along the way. Depression and Anxiety can do that to you. I’m starting to think I was suffering much longer than I realized.

Now the bright side of my Crystal Healing course is that I will ultimately get to help people. The Creative Writing course will hopefully help me become a better writer. Didn’t attack it today with the normal zest I have been showing, but I think that has to do with my sleep pattern being altered.

I tried a new morning meditation today and it didn’t not go over very well. Here are my observations as to why. First was the fact that I was trying to do it before I got out of bed. Already thrown off sleep patterns, yada, yada, yada. Second, I just didn’t connect with the voice. I am guessing that is important in meditation. Third, I hadn’t started my morning like I have for 85-90% of my mornings since we moved. So there you have it, it was doomed to begin with. Tomorrow I'm back to the normal routine (weather permitting, it is getting very cold on my porch in the mornings).

I did get in one Crystal Healing lesson today. Today I learned all about the Solar Plexus Chakra and what it means when it’s blocked vs. overactive vs. balanced. I learned what crystals I should use, when to use specific ones and where to use them. It’s pretty cool when you put it all together. Trying a few experiments out, so we’ll see how it goes.

Considering how it started, overall I have to say today was a good day. It could have gone completely down the drain. In my past that is exactly how it would have gone. Lack of sleep would have been one of my triggers and everyone around me would have paid for it. So I think I am getting better and that is all I can do.

See ya