Thoughts of a Middle Aged Mind

  OK, so today is going to get an extra post because I just had a major freak out in a public place, which answered a very important question. “Am I ready for a concert?” After today that answer is a resounding no. In my last post I mentioned walking down to the Fall Festival. Well the weather turned out beautiful and the crowd was huge. At one point it didn’t matter which way I turned I had someone right up on me and no one (including myself) was wearing a mask. I know I didn’t expect that size of a crowd, so I’m guessing others didn’t either. They were offering free vaccine boosters, so my wife and oldest son got it done. I was too anxious at that point, so I did not get mine. All I knew was I needed to get out of there. Told my wife I was leaving and started walking home. However something in me told me to find a bench by myself and to breathe. That is exactly what I did and it worked, temporarily.  Since there were a few food trucks, we decided to give one we’ve never trie...

Good Morning, So sure enough the alarm was set for 6:30 am to get my son to work. Woke up at 5:40 am. I tried for a few minutes to go back to sleep, but after about 15 minutes I figured it was no use. So I started to get ready for my day. Now, I will say I do feel like I got a good night's sleep and I don’t remember waking up any other times, so that is good. I figured with having such a relaxing day I would have no trouble falling and staying asleep. So as I mentioned yesterday Allie and I were both having a Reiki session at a place just blocks from our house. I have to say I am having mixed feelings about my experience. For one my experience at the Ren Faire was much different than the one we experienced yesterday. That is not to say yesterday was bad. It was just different. At the Ren Faire she told us which ones were blocked and why they may be blocked and also gave solutions as to how to keep them open.  Another thing was that according to yesterday my Crown, Third Eye and Thr...

Good Morning,  I normally do my writing later in the day, but I’m having a mixed day so far. This morning I woke up before my alarm as usual. It’s odd, it doesn't matter what time I set it for I always wake up before it. Drove my son to work, and then took advantage of the quiet and got in my morning meditation. Now as part of this journey I am on, I am always going to share with you what exactly I am using and how it affects me. So this morning I found an app on my phone that I had downloaded a while ago. It was recommended to me by the Mental Health Liaison I was speaking to back when I first started seeking help. The app is called Insight Timer. It has a whole bunch of free stuff on it. I’m guessing there is a pay model as well, but I’m going to take advantage of the freebies first. So the first thing I looked for and found was a Learn How To Meditate in Seven Days program. What I liked about it is that it did not make me feel bad when my mind wandered. It actually had a funny n...

It really is amazing how something as simple as waking up earlier than normal throws you off your day. I know I sound like a whiner, but today I had to make sure my wife was awake by 5:15 am, so she could be on the road by 5:45 am. I know she doesn’t like to wake me up with her, but I feel it is only right. Especially since she’s the one going out to support our family. Which is allowing me this time to find myself and hopefully in the process a new calling. See that is where I am going to disagree with my Therapist, who told me to stop saying “I’m trying to find what the heck I am going to do with the rest of my life.” He says that is a lot of pressure to put on myself. That part I agree with. However I don’t think he understands what I mean when I am saying that. Or maybe he does and I’m just being stubborn. Anyway I think back to that quote by John Lennon, when he was asked in school what he wanted to be when he grew up and he said “happy”. The teacher replied to him, “no I don’t th...

  I know, I know I have said this before. I hope that it is different this time, but that is part of my problem. I lack confidence in myself. I’ve started and stopped things so many times I cannot count any more. So what makes me think this time it will be any different. Funny thing is that part of this change happened because I was thrown in 30 Day Facebook Jail for the 2nd time within days of just getting out of Facebook Jail. You would think that I would learn from these mistakes after the first time. Nope, made a stupid comment and got thrown right back in. So that is why it has been so quiet from me lately.  Don’t worry my silence hasn’t been for naught. I actually semi-listened to a friend of mine who said I should just take a break from Facebook (Thanks J!). So while I did not take a complete break (hence Swayne The Swock). Not having the ability to like things on Facebook, my feed started to change. I guess weeding out all of the negative people from my life has finall...